you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
