Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
