how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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