My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
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i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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