that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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