it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
