Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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