dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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