if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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