my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
