the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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