A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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