Redeem this text for a blowjob
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
