im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
