i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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