I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
