just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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