My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
