i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
