Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
