"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
