the condom got lost in my hair
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I need a beard to bite.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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