Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
