chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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