but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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