Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
