i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
