I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
