I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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