Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
