Ambien. No doubt about it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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