I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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