Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
