my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
