ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
