Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That reminds me...we need to get swords
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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