My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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