Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
