if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
