Four minutes until I can fart!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
