He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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