Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
