The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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