I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
