do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
