put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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