Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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