Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
