Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
