i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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