remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
