There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
