do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
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Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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