Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
