Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
