i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
