I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
