As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
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It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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