Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
