Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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