Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
