so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance