did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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