You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
