sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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