I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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