Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
